After years of wanting to be the stay at home wife/mom, I finally have it almost achieved. My husband finally has a job that we can basically live off of, and I bring in the little extra a week we need to thrive. We both have the weekends off (what is that?!) and suddenly I'm faced with the ugly realization that being a stay at home mom is nothing like I expected or wanted it to be.
I'm also a stay at home mom in someone else's home, namely my MIL, so that throws a wrench into my supposed reality anyway.
Here are all the things that AREN'T happening in my life:
I'm not reading...at all.
Partly because my husband and I are trained to stay up late and sleep in, something our son has graciously accepted as well. No matter how early I go to bed, I can't seem to wake up before our son starts crying at 9:30am. Even if I do wake up earlier, I'm still so exhausted I just can't get myself out of bed. Am I lazy? Most definitely. Do I have some kind of deficiency or medical issue? Here's hoping, because I'd feel a lot better about myself.
So I'm waking up when the baby (gosh, almost a toddler) wakes up. Which means all house duties are done quickly, if at all, while he is napping. Which leaves the evenings for reading and let's just be honest...I have no brain power once the sun goes down. I'm fit for conversation, wine, hookah, and maybe a little Final Fantasy with the husband and that's about it.
So all the books on child-rearing and counseling and the personal growth books that I dreamed of finally tackling...all piled up next to my bed, untouched.
I haven't meal planned, prepped, or cooked.
We live with my in-laws. While my MIL has not made any move to stop me from prepping or cooking or using her kitchen, it's just so much easier NOT to. I tried the first month or so to continue the same eating habits we had before moving but it was exhausting and stressful so I dropped it. Plus, I think it's just always wise to only have one woman per kitchen. Or maybe that's just because I want a kitchen all to myself. That's probably it.
I haven't made any real relationships.
When I moved, I had a tight knit group of mamas that joked, encouraged, and bailed each other out on a regular basis. It was AMAZING. Since then, I have seriously bemoaned the lack of close women in my life. At first, it was simply a matter of "Hey, I know nobody around here" and now it's simply a lack of transportation. One friend plugged me into a great group on Facebook that is constantly meeting together and having playdates which I can never attend because I am car-less. I've finally got to jibe with some women from church who I can't build relationship with because I am once again, carless. It's a season, living with the in-laws has us isolated from relationships and living with one car has me specifically isolated but THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Or so I keep telling myself.
Now I'll tell you what I HAVE DONE.
- I dyed some noodles bright colors for sensory play.
- I organized toys into like-items (soft toys, athletic toys, music toys, sensory toys, etc)
- I've done laundry and put it away in less than 24 hours (it's happened at least twice)
- I vaccuumed once.
- I put the phone down to engage with my son for a full hour (does anyone else just get BORED playing with a 16 month old after a while? I mean, he's my world and I suck up all the things he learns and does but GOSH do I get bored.)
- I've dealt with some shiz, God-hammer style (this means God finally slammed my head against the floor about things...it's the most loving thing He can do for me, really)
- I've limited my cursing...slightly. Maybe. Ok, still working on it. IT'S HARD.
Life is not glamorous. It's not Pinterest worthy or ready for Instagram. I don't even have any blog ideas. I want to look at what I've done and say "God, this isn't enough. I want more! I want to be more than this! I want to be called to huge, great things!" and He's like "You're a mom and a wife...greatest thing I can call you to."
Dammit.
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