Why I'm Part Of the Internet Hate Problem

I have loved this quote since I first heard it a few years ago. It's huge for me because when I see attacks or people just plain WRONG, I am ready for war with my bazooka of truth. I just can't abide it, my skin crawls...even when I know "this 'conversation' is going nowhere" I just can't let it go...I have to set them right.

The recent attacks on my pastor and church have been very hard for me. I sit in front of my laptop and twitch, trying to resist the urge to just JUMP IN AND RUN AMUCK. I'm laughing as I type this, because the image in my head is: me, looking like a caveman, disheveled hair and dirty, brandishing a big wooden club, and gnashing my teeth at people.

 

I. Am. That. Ridiculous

It doesn't feel ridiculous when I'm scrolling quickly on my iphone, gobbling up the latest article and retorting to it in my mind. It doesn't feel ridiculous when I PULL UP GOOGLE AND SEARCH FOR THOSE SAME ARTICLES, so I can continue in my self righteous mental rants.

It feels good. I like it. I want to feel better than other people. I want to feel smarter and wiser. When it's obvious (to me at least) that someone has misinterpreted Scripture or has completely forgotten whole passages/books, I feel good about myself. I read my Bible. I didn't forget that passage. I have correct theology.

Except I don't. Like, not at all. Not even close. Lately, I haven't read my Bible except to use verses as arrows against someone driving me crazy online. I DO forget passages, daily...when I say I "remember" them, I mean I remember 3 words and use my Logos program to do a search to find the actual passage. And correct theology? Bahaha. I'm 25. How many 25 year olds have "correct theology"? If I had correct theology, I wouldn't be joining in the internet hateful nonsense.

It kinda hurts my feelings that God doesn't need my defenses. I want to be sent into the world to tear apart weak philosophies and beliefs, my weapon of choice being "AHA!" verses used to expose misinterpretation or plain ignorance.Isn't that a branch of the church, the internet mercenaries? You know, pastors, counselors, healers, prophets, and internet mercenaries....that's a thing right?

I want it to be about me. I'm defending myself. I'm proving how smart I am and how dumb you are. You don't care if I'm smart or not, but I care...deeply. I care if I'm smart and I care if you think I'm smart. And if you like me.

Yep. 

I attack people online because I want people to like me.

So that's where I'm at right now. My real motives have been exposed and so I am learning to not click over to those articles...to just turn my phone off or close my laptop. I'm twitching a lot. There are some grunts/screaming in frustration (those really surprise Elwin). But now, my rants are conversations I'm having with Jesus...and those are humbling.

Read this article our friend Pastor Ryan Williams wrote today. He has such a sweet spirit, we are glad we were able to get to know him.